310. The Truth About Control: What Happens When Uncertainty Hits

Pressure just hit the building.

Now what does your nervous system do?

Maybe your mind immediately starts searching for answers.

What do I do?
How do I fix this?
What if this goes wrong?
How can I make this work?

It feels like problem-solving.

But sometimes, something else is happening.

We’re trying to control uncertainty.

🎪 CONTROL UNDER PRESSURE

Control is one of the most common human patterns I observe when pressure enters the room.

And it doesn’t always look like someone telling everybody else what to do.

Sometimes control looks like:

🧠 Overthinking
📱 Checking your phone again
🔄 Replaying a conversation
🗣️ Rehearsing what you’re going to say
🔮 Predicting someone else’s response
📋 Planning for every possible outcome
⏰ Needing an answer before an answer exists

Our minds think they’re helping us.

And in many ways, they are.

But our nervous systems also like predictability. When uncertainty enters the room, we may start reaching for control without even realizing it.

🌫️ THE FOG AND THE STEERING WHEEL

In this episode, I share one of my favorite ways to think about control.

Imagine driving through thick fog.

You can’t see very far ahead, so you grip the steering wheel tighter.

But does gripping the wheel make the fog disappear?

No.

It simply makes us feel like we’re doing something.

That’s where observation becomes powerful.

Instead of judging the need for control, we can become curious about it.

📚 MICHAEL SINGER AND RESISTANCE

I also explore ideas from Michael A. Singer, author of The Untethered Soul and The Surrender Experiment.

Singer’s work on resistance, surrender, and observing our thoughts offers another way to understand what happens when reality doesn’t match what we expected.

Sometimes the event isn’t creating all of our suffering.

Sometimes we’re exhausting ourselves arguing with the fact that it happened.

⚡ REALITY TRANSURFING AND EXCESS POTENTIAL

We’ll also connect this conversation to Reality Transurfing by Vadim Zeland and one of its most fascinating concepts: excess potential.

What happens when one outcome becomes so important that we begin gripping it tighter and tighter?

The opportunity becomes more important than our peace.

The relationship becomes more important than our presence.

The answer becomes more important than our awareness.

And sometimes, the harder we try to control the outcome, the less clearly we can see.

👁️ YOUR OBSERVATION FOR THIS WEEK

I’m not asking you to stop controlling.

I’m asking you to notice when it happens.

When you feel yourself tightening your grip, pause.

Take one slow breath.

Then ask:

“What is my nervous system trying to protect right now?”

You don’t have to fix the answer.

Just observe.

Because observation creates awareness.

Awareness creates choice.

And choice is where freedom begins.

🌊 Pressure will enter the building.

The question is:

What will your nervous system do next?

📖 BONUS RESOURCES

I’ve created a companion blog post for this episode with additional insights and resources. You can find the link in the episode notes and description.

www.kathieowen.com/blog/control

Reality Transurfing: www.kathieowen.com/reality-transurfing

Human Patterns Under Pressure: www.kathieowen.com/human-patterns

The Truth Bubbles Up: www.kathieowen.com/truthbubblesup

🎙️ ABOUT THE KATHIE OWEN PERSPECTIVE

The Kathie Owen Perspective explores human behavior, leadership psychology, emotional regulation, self-awareness, non-attachment, and the patterns that emerge when people experience pressure.

Kathie Owen is a leadership consultant, speaker, and author of Human Patterns Under Pressure and The Truth Bubbles Up. Her work explores what becomes visible when uncertainty, conflict, change, and pressure enter the room—and how observation can create the awareness needed to choose a different response.

#HumanPatternsUnderPressure #KathieOwen #TheTruthBubblesUp #Control #EmotionalRegulation #NervousSystem #MichaelSinger #RealityTransurfing #ExcessPotential #SelfAwareness #LeadershipUnderPressure

The Kathie Owen Perspective

Helping leaders, founders, and professionals recognize the human patterns that shape leadership, culture, communication, and emotional regulation under pressure.

🌐 Website: https://www.kathieowen.com

📖 Articles & Bonus Resources: https://www.kathieowen.com/blog

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Pressure doesn't define us. It reveals the patterns we've yet to observe.

Transcript

Kathie (2) 0:00

Pressure just hit the building. Nobody planned for it, nobody expected it, but now it's here. The deal fell through. The phone rang at 2:00 in the morning. Your spouse says, "We need to talk." Your child is two hours late coming home. A client walks away. Your investment drops. An opportunity disappears. Pressure just hit the building. Now, let me ask you a question. What does your nervous system do next? Does it get quiet, or does your mind immediately go to work? What do I do? How do I fix this? Who do I call? What if this doesn't work? What if I lose this opportunity? How do I make this happen? Here's what I've been observing. Our minds think they're helping. They think they're being efficient. They think they're solving a problem. But many times they're doing something much deeper. They're trying to eliminate uncertainty, and one of the most common ways we do that is through control. Welcome to the Kathie Owen Perspective podcast. My name is Kathie Owen. I'm a leadership consultant, author, speaker, and lifelong student of psychology and human behavior. For more than 20 years, I've been fascinated by one question: What do human beings do when pressure hits the room? Because pressure has a way of revealing things we never notice when life feels easy. Not because we're broken, not because we're weak, because pressure reveals patterns, and today I wanna talk about one of the most common patterns I observe, control. Before we go any further, I wanna be really clear about something. This episode is not about controlling people. It's about something much more subtle. It's about moments when uncertainty enters our lives, and our nervous systems quietly begin searching for certainty. Think about that for just a moment. How many times have you caught yourself replaying a conversation, refreshing your email, checking your phone again just in case? Trying to predict what someone else is gonna say, rehearsing tomorrow's meeting, planning every possible outcome. Most of us don't call that control. We call it thinking. But what if it isn't? What if your nervous system is simply trying to make uncertainty disappear? I want you to picture driving through dense fog. You can't see very far ahead. What's the first thing most people do? They grip the steering wheel tighter. We've all done it. Now, here's the interesting question: Does squeezing the steering wheel make the fog disappear? Of course not. It simply feels like we're doing something. That's what control often looks like. It gives us the feeling of certainty without actually creating certainty. One of the people who has deeply influenced my thinking is Michael Singer. He is the author of The Untethered Soul and the Surrender Experiment. His work centers on a simple but profound idea. Much of our suffering doesn't come from life itself. It comes from resisting life. Reality has already happened, but our minds continue arguing with it. "This shouldn't be happening." There's that word, should. "This is not fair. I've gotta fix this. I've gotta make this work." The resistance often becomes heavier than the event itself. When I first started reading his work, something clicked for me. I realized that many of the moments I thought I was problem-solving, I was actually resisting uncertainty. Then I discovered Reality Transurfing many years ago. It's a series of books by Russian author Vadim Zeland. Reality Transurfing introduces a fascinating concept called excess potential. Excess potential is created when we give one outcome so much importance that it throws us out of balance. The opportunity becomes more important than our peace. The relationship becomes more important than our presence. The answer becomes more important than our awareness. The more attached we become, the tighter we grip. The tighter we grip, the less clearly we can see. When I first learned about excess potential, I immediately recognized it in myself, not because I was trying to control people, because I was trying to control outcomes, and there is a difference. And here's what I've been observing lately. The moment I catch myself trying to control something, I don't ask, "How do I stop controlling?" Instead, I ask, "What is my nervous system trying to protect right now?" That one question changes everything because now I'm observing instead of reacting. Maybe my nervous system is trying to protect certainty. Maybe it's trying to protect approval. Maybe it's trying to protect my identity. Maybe it's trying to protect me from disappointment. I don't know. And honestly, I don't have to know immediately. I simply observe. That observation creates awareness, and awareness creates choice. I've also noticed something else. Flow doesn't happen because life becomes predictable. Flow happens when we stop fighting reality long enough to see it clearly. When we loosen our grip, our vision widens. We begin noticing possibilities that weren't visible when we were attached to only one outcome. That does not mean we stop taking action. It means our actions come from clarity instead of fear, from presence instead of panic, from observation instead of reaction. So here's something I'd love for you to try this week. The next time pressure enters your life, pause. Take one slow, deep breath, then simply ask yourself, "What is my nervous system trying to protect right now?" Not, what do I do? Not, how do I fix this? Just observe. Notice what your mind is reaching for. Notice where your body tightens. Notice your thoughts without judging them, because observation creates awareness, and awareness creates what? It creates choice, and choice is where freedom begins. If today's episode resonated with you, I've written a companion blog post that goes much deeper into this idea. It includes additional examples, reflection questions, and bonus resources if you'd like to continue exploring this pattern. You'll find a link to that in the show notes and description below, and if you're watching on YouTube, I'll pin it in the very first comment. All right. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. Until next time, remember this: pressure will always enter the building. The question isn't whether pressure will show up. The question is, what will your nervous system do next? And once you can observe that, everything begins to change.